A eulogy may be the most difficult speech you will ever deliver, but a beautifully-crafted eulogy that has been created with much thought and consideration for the audience can also be the most rewarding. The best gift you can give to the deceased and their loved ones is an uplifting eulogy. Creating and delivering an uplifting eulogy actually takes skill, forethought, the ability to be concise, a confidence in public speaking and a sense of humour.The perfect eulogy will contain a summation of the person’s life and primarily express the feelings and experiences of the person delivering it (without making it about them).
“ Creating and delivering an uplifting eulogy doesn’t come off the top of your head in the moment. Anyone who has had to sit through an excruciating eulogy at a funeral will agree. ”
As a funeral celebrant I’ve seen them all: eulogies that had the audience in stitches as they were reminded of wonderful and hilarious moments right through to ones where people rambled for twenty minutes (in a 30-minute ceremony), to one where I just wanted to drag the person away from the microphone because they were embarrassing themselves and the family. There are so many ways that you can let the ‘dearly departed’ down with your eulogy. It can be too long; you can get the names of their loved ones wrong; you can mention the unmentionable (e.g. the ex-spouse who is persona non grata, the prison time etc.); it can be all about you and not much about them; you can stammer, lose track, break down to the point where you have to stop. Creating and delivering an uplifting eulogy actually takes skill, forethought, the ability to be concise, a confidence in public speaking and a sense of humour. It should contain a summation of the person’s life and primarily express the feelings and experiences of the person delivering it (without making it about them). You can create a eulogy in 3 main ways: in chronological order (from date of birth to date of death), by following a theme that ran through the person’s life, or by highlighting key events. Don’t set your expectations too high; the perfect eulogy doesn’t actually have to be ‘perfect’ – just come from the heart and present a true reflection of the person it’s meant to honour – and did I say that it shouldn’t go on too long? Sorry. Remember the saying, ‘Don’t speak ill of the dead!’? Well, in today’s world it’s more realistic to be honest about a person’s positive and negative traits or idiosyncrasies – all the elements that made up the person you loved and will miss. Keep your focus mostly on the positives, but you can put a human, compassionate spin on any personality traits or challenges the person experienced to keep it more honest. Before you start… Talk to the family about why they chose you to deliver the eulogy and what they’d like included. Is anyone else doing the chronology? If so, you can focus on experiences and memories. Ask family members and friends about their fondest memories and important life events with the deceased and quote them. Structure… Make sure that your eulogy has a beginning, a middle and an end – sounds obvious right? But you need to think about the structure, like any speech you prepare. Elements that you might include are the deceased’s: 6 steps to creating and delivering an uplifting eulogy: 1.Less is more! Edit, edit, edit. Write out everything you want to say then cut it in half! Your audience (and the funeral celebrant) will want you to keep it to about 5 minutes maximum (or three A4 pages double-spaced). Funerals are intensely emotional events, and most people want to just get through it to the other side. If your eulogy is long (no matter how important you think what you have to say is) you’ll tire out those present or worse, make them angry and/or upset. 2. Remember, you’re writing the eulogy for the family and mourners present – not for you. Everyone is there to mourn and they don’t want to be overwhelmed with a long rant about how important the person was to YOU and how much YOU’LL miss them. 3. Before the funeral, it’s a good idea to have close family read and OK your eulogy to make sure you have names and events correct and that you are not repeating what someone else is saying /has said or inadvertently highlighting touchy subjects or embarrassing anyone. 4. Practice reading it aloud a few times. You’ll soon find any mistakes, lengthy sentences, difficult words to read or where it doesn’t run smoothly. You can also time it at this point. 5. On the day, read every word from the notes you’ve written – NEVER go off-script, because you run the risk of leaving out important things and people, losing your place, and going over time. 6. Take a deep breath before you start. Yes, you may get emotional – that’s normal and everyone will forgive you for that, but if you can’t continue, ask someone to read it for you as you stand beside them. Please note: this is a guide only. You only get one shot at delivering a eulogy everyone will remember – here are some tips on how not to mess it up!
Creating and delivering an uplifting eulogy
